Stephen handled class admirably again this week, although moving away from the blowjob arena, we instead jumped into the delights of the
MindF*k!We tried to define the different types of it : One abstract look was expecting one thing and getting another - like intending to brand someone and then while a blindfold is on, using an ice cube. Mostly this idea was about the Top fooling the bottom.
Another was how the Top Mindf*ks themselves while something is going on - an example was handing your bottom off to another Top and then having to sit there and watch and hope everything will go ok.
Things can go wrong too, we talked about 'mines', the dangerous areas in our minds where we relive some painful thing, or have a panic attack, or injure ourselves trying to stop the scene - all kinds of things could go wrong. There was some discussion about big mines versus small mines and whether being in a long term relationship made you more likely to step on a big one or a small one. I was trying not to imagine my legs being blown off while tied to a cross.
Why do it? I guess some people are just sadists and get off on making people uncomfortable, or pushing them out of their mental safety zones. I've heard talk elsewhere of some of them being cathartic experiences, and helpful in dealing with past issues. Sure for small stresses of the normal work week, being thrown off balance might be just what you need to relax. For me though, if I had bigger issues than that I'd go to a shrink.
In
StoryTime with Uncle Bob(tm), we heard the tale of a woman who was blindfolded and kidnapped and going to be sold into slavery into the middle east somewhere. She heard and felt the other two girls in the same predicament, and after some guys were haggling over price, they picked the other girls and left her. The guys talked it over about how they could just kill her and dump the body, but one of them had heard she was into the BDSM stuff, so they decided to tell her it was all just a Mindf*k and left her on a corner not knowing whether it was real or just a Mindf*k. I'll let you decide.
Well, Stephen handled class last Saturday, and they apparently had an interesting discussion. Warning: the discussion went into some pretty extreme behaviors--extreme enough that they've never been seen in Houston, as far as I know.
Alright, you've had your warning! Now, here's Stephen's notes on class:
This week we continued a discussion that started online as “Acts of Submission.”
The class started with a general agreement that the single most submissive act a bottom can do is to give a blowjob. Blowjobs are followed very closely by the second most submissive act, angry-doggy-style-hair-pullin’-mean-anal-sex. After everyone in the meeting came to that agreement, I allowed other people to speak. >:-D
We started with submissive acts that are subtle enough to do in public without calling attention to the lifestyle.
- A submissive calling the Top (insert Dom(me), or Master as applies to your relationship) Daddy or Mommy, since the parents in many vanilla families do that as well.
- Holding the submissive’s wrist instead of their hand takes away a layer of control without being blatant.
- Opening doors, lighting cigarettes
It was pointed out that just how the act is submissive depends on the relationship of those involved. Opening a car door for another may be the act of a submissive taking care of his Domme, the act of a Dominant “caring” for his submissive, or it may be a completely vanilla gesture of good manners. Cooking dinner, bathing someone, getting a drink for them… unless you know the relationship of the people involved, it is difficult to tell by just watching who is Top and who is bottom.
Using small acts of submission can help a couple begin to “gear up” for a scene or a weekend party by helping both start to get into play headspace. A comment was made that the same type of acts of submission can help mitigate sub or Top “drop.” Travis mentioned a couple that have a different style of play, in which the submissive actually goes thru her drop
during the scene. It’s kind of extreme, so if you have a weak stomach, I’d skip to the last paragraph now.
By way of background information, the couple is known for doing a certain type of demo, which they call “Extreme Degradation.” The submissive involved is an attractive lady, who thrives on being objectified and reviled during a scene. She wants the most humiliating and disgusting things done to her during a scene, but she takes what is done to her, after she’s gone thru the scene, and uses it as a source of strength. She uses it as a reminder she is no better, and no worse, than anyone else. Kinda like “that which does not kill me makes me stronger.” The scenes revolve around stripping away her dignity, but simply making it thru the scene imparts a degree of dignity upon her.
The scenes will start with lots of plastic dropcloths and a small wading pool. (This is NOT a Gallagher show! If offered a raincoat or plastic, either cover up or move back!) The submissive is given Ipecac to cause her to vomit, and an enema, and then she is force-fed, all the while telling her how disgusting she is. The scene progresses thru the forced eating, purging, anyone interested is allowed to piss on her, more enemas until she’s covered in filth. At the end of the scene, the Top throws a tarp over her in the pool.
This is where she is hitting her “drop”. She’s been told how repulsive and worthless she is. She’s been covered in slop, forced to purge, strangers pissed on her as she lay in a pool of her own vomit and shit. She’s been forced about as low as you can go. And for her, everything after the scene is following the path back up. As she cleans up, instead of crashing, she gets energized. She suffered thru the worst and is stronger for it. So she never gets “sub drop” after they play. leslie says she’ll take a little depression after a party instead. Maybe a little spanking on Wednesday night.
If anyone needs a kids wading pool, we have one for sale. If you skipped to this point, we’ll even buy you lunch. Just don’t be surprised if no one else is hungry.
Saturday's class was about fear. A fair portion of the bottoms admitted to being fear junkies--folks that love to be scared. We discussed the difficulties of scaring someone who has developed trust in you as a top, and found there are ways to add a certain fear factor to the play.
Visuals are good -- things like laying out the toys that will at least potentially be used. Contemplative looks at a bottom already restrained while holding a very intense toy can up the ante in short order.
Blindfolds are great for taking bottoms out of their comfort space. It's surprising how effective they are, taking away that advance notice that we take for granted.
Also, Tops wearing masks introduces another element of fear, since the bottom can no longer read his/her expression. Also, it makes folks seem more alien, when their face is immobile and unreadable. Tops generally tend to feel meaner when they are masked. Maybe the extra anonymity frees up the monster in the basement a bit more, plus the frightened expression on the "victim's" face feeds the flames.
Because we did discover that many tops enjoy seeing that fear on their bottoms' faces, probably because being an object of fear is another expression of power, and you know how we get off on that!
Multiple tops in a scene adds some uncertainty as well, and is especially useful in a scene with long-term partners.
Of course, some folks disagreed, and said that trust was not only a huge aspect of their play, but necessary before they could allow themselves to be vulnerable. Some of them felt that their top was evil enough that there was fear aplenty before the scene began, and the trust that they would survive essentially intact was what let them play at all.
Sometimes their fear was more a fear of failure, or the fear of not pleasing the top, rather than a corporal fear.
And there's at least one more area of fear play--the mind fuck--that we did not address at all. A future class...
Clay
